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The world’s unsexiest fetishes

Sexual desire is a weird thing. It’s unique to everyone, and some people have stranger tastes than others. Well-known fetishes for feet, bondage, and roleplay are practically mainstream, but no-one is unshockable. The strangest fetishes involve things no one in their right mind would ever think of as sexy, right?

Balloons

For most people, balloons are irritating party decorations, mostly used to provide kids with something to kick around that won’t break any windows. For some people, they’re sexy. Balloon fetishists or ‘looners’ get off on rubbing and popping balloons. Apparently they like the tension and release when they pop. Personally, it just makes me jump.

Clowns

Keeping with the kid’s party theme, there are a surprising amount of people who get turned on by clowns. Most people are freaked out by clowns. But not everyone. Some people find the anonymity of makeup and the crazy, colourful clown aesthetic a turn-on. Just as long as they don’t start luring people into sewers.

Animal Costumes

Ever looked at a sports mascot dressed as a tiger or dolphin and thought “phwoar!” Then you might just be a furry! Furries adopt ‘fursonas’ and dress up as anthropomorphised cartoonish animals. Weirdest of all is that it’s not just some underground fetish, it’s a massive phenomenon with conventions, forums, and websites selling fursuits. Some people don’t even get turned on by it, they just enjoy it, which begs even more questions than if it was just a sex thing.

Food

Many people have experimented with chocolate body paint or whipped cream in the bedroom, but for some people fun with food doesn’t stop there. Food in the bedroom, known as ‘sploshing’ is a pretty messy and less appealing practice. Ever wanted to be covered in beans or mashed potatoes? Be warned, sploshing requires a lot of plastic sheets!

Objects

Object fetishists form connections to inanimate objects. From household items, to cars and motorbikes, to landmarks and fairground rides. There is a woman who is ‘married’ to the Eiffel tower. No really. People have sex with object and even have ‘romantic relationships’ with them.

Ecosexuals

Ecosexuals are part hippy treehuggers part naturist fetishists. They believe that their sexual connection to the earth and nature will help save it. I mean, it might? Ecosexuals even perform marriage rituals, marrying particular rivers, cliffs, and mountains. Talk about getting your rocks off, amirite?

Tentacles

Tentacles? Yeah, tentacles. Ever got hot and bothered while eating calamari? A lot of people fantasise about sex with tentacle beings, and there are huge amounts of erotic art and animation dedicated to it.

Adult babies

For some people, it’s a sexual turn-on, for others, it’s a comforting activity which allows you to regress to childhood and be looked after. For the rest of us, it’s just really, really weird.

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